Signs
by a.loner
Summary: when the signs are ignored...


She should have seen it coming. The signs. It was obvious when something was bothering him like it was at the moment but no, she had to assume that it was just one of his tricks again. His insatiable and unexplainable need to get her attention. From a prank to an occasional cup of tea; he had done it all.

Why?

The signs. If only she had realise it sooner. Maybe she did. It was just that her low self-esteem and the fact that she had never dared to delve deep into her emotions made her refuse to admit what she really felt for him until it was too late. She was scared, like the girl he insisteds she was. Not a demon. A girl.

Why?

He had a way with her that none of the rest could. Only he could evoke such emotions in her. Joy. Anger. But not sorrow. Never sorrow. It was one of the signs that she chose to ignore. Never giving him the chance to explain his motives nor asking for his opinion if his opinion did matter to her. No, he was just the usual prankster. So easy-going. Laidback. A bundle of youthful exuberance. Everything she could never be.

Why?

His skills had grown. It was subtle. It showed in bits of this and pieces of that. The occasional brainwave. The momentary stroke of genius. Nonetheless, it was moments like these when he could show the world. Show the team. Show her his true potential that he chose to undermine himself. But he never did. He let others take the credit while he resumed his role as the fool. He was humble as could be and he had esteem issues like she did. Unlike her, he did not let it weigh him down. When asked why, he would smile that smile of his. That smile only meant for her.

Why?

He was meant for so much more. All could see it. All who knew him knew it. She most of all. She refused to admit to anyone especially herself that she noticed him the most. Despite the jokes and the antics. Despite the adolescence and the immaturity, he had his moments but these were few and far between and all of it was always shown to her. She should have seen it coming. All those signs.

Why?

The Teen Titans became just the Titans. They were not teens anymore. Duh. But it was more than that. It meant things were going to change. A lot.

Why?

The prick and the princess finally hooked up. It took them long enough. So did Cyborg or Victor as he proudly calls himself now. It took a nice girl from the local garage to show him that being human could always mean you can get away with a butt full of bolts. Her name was Kory and she gradually moved into the tower and became the Titans' de facto mechanic. Beast Boy? What about Beast Boy? Oh wait, he goes by the name Changeling now. Beast Boy just sounded...prepubescent. he was probably off goofing around somewhere.

* * *

Sorry...

That was uncalled for. Changeling was not goofing around. He does some of the time but he was more serious now. He changed most of all. She had to admit most of these changes were to her liking. He was calmer around her now but always nice. He never stopped those acts of kindness he used to show her when they were younger. Now that the rest of the team had a significant other, it seemed that she and he were always left to spend their time together. She would never admit it especially to herself that she enjoyed it. Every single time.

Sorry...

That she was so stupid. Falling head over heels over a stranger. In her defence, he was suave and smooth. He was handsome too in a classical kind of way. All he had to do was remark something about her eyes and she became putty in his hands. A date inevitably followed.

Sorry...

That she chose to ignore the way he reacted. The indignation. The growls he emitted when he finally met him. The intensity of the argument between her and him upon her return from the date. She should have seen the signs but no, she was too caught up in the notion that a handsome young man found her desirable. She was too caught up with the euphoria of being treated like a lady. She was too enraptured to the feeling of being wanted. Never realising that she already had them all and more with him.

Sorry...

The inevitable broke up was unbearably painful. That pig. That bastard. That worm. Just like that dragon. Oh will she ever learn? It was two days before Starfire finally persuaded her to at least eat a simple meal. She could not face him. He had been right all along. That the bastard wanted his face in the news. 'Tagged a Titan', 'World's Luckiest Man', 'Reamed a Raven'. There went her reputation. In all honesty, she was still a virgin. Probably will be until she died. No man would want to touch her knowing the slut she was. What an irony; a virgin slut.

* * *

Yet...

He did not care. "It's all in the past," he would say. He was there for her all the way. Yes, the Titans were there too but he was there the most. After the heartfelt apology (which he brushed aside), it was like they were making up for lost time. The time spent together resumed. The acts of affection continued. She and him were inseparable. He helped her in ways no one can. He talked and most importantly, he listened. He always listened. Even when they were kids. It was probably the only mature trait he had back then but only for serious matters. But that didn't matter. He helped her until she could help herself. She should have read the signs. Best friends of the opposite gender are usually lovers in disguise.

Yet...

He never mentioned anything more beyond friendship. Terra was enough. He would say it with that look in his eye. The look she knew only too well. The look of doubt. She did not inquire further believing that it was too sensitive for present conversation. She should have known better. She was there after all.

Yet...

The tingling feeling was there again. It only came when he was around and disappeared when he wasn't only to be replaced with an inky blackness of a void in her being. She was frightened. Shewas a slut, remember? Nonetheless, she did not dare say that in front of him for it would undoubtedly bring him into a rage. He hated seeing her belittle herself. But it was true. She could not deny it but she could not accept it. How could he of all people make her feel like this? It took her too late to realise it.

* * *

Then...

The Doom Patrol returned. They wanted him back. It was for a critical mission. Isn't it always? He was calm when he received the news. Unlike Starfire. Unlike her, deep inside. He could not leave. He just couldn't. He had people who loved him in the tower. One of them most of all. It was a suicide mission. The Doom Patrol was known for that sort of thing and he was the most brazen of them all. He could not leave. For he had something that belonged to her whether he knew it or not and there was no way she would have him leave without telling him what it was.

Then...

She told him. It was meant to be the happiest moment in their lives. Yet it was marred. He was going. He had to. And he was not going to let her go with him. She begged. Pleaded. Threatened and cursed but he was not deterred. Holding her crying face in his hands, he gave her their first kiss. He told her to be strong, to wait for him as he had waited for her. To remember him as he always remembered her. He told her he loved her. It was unnecessary though. She knew he loved her. He had already told her in ways that words could not convey. She only regretted not realising it sooner and now all they could do was kiss and linger in each other's eyes before he left.

And...

She cried. She cried for the opportunity lost. She cried for not realising it sooner. To deny what could have. Should have. Would have. All this time it was him. It was always him.

If she had only read the signs.


End file.
